It Takes Time to Change Your Mind

I always used to think of myself as an open-minded person overall. But I have since—regretfully—come to the conclusion I was not. The thing is, it’s very difficult to be completely open-minded. For instance, if I have made up my mind that a particular person is disagreeable, it will take quite a lot of time and evidence for me to change my mind on that notion. In fact, sometimes it will take more than twice the evidence to change my mind than the evidence that made me come to the original conclusion.

I remember the first time I realised that I was inherently closed-minded. It was in February of 2014. My family gathered together to watch the great debate of Ken Ham and Bill Nye. Ken Ham I knew about because I had read a lot of issues of the Creation Magazine. I had never heard of Bill Nye before, but I was told he was an atheist and he would be arguing against Creationism. He was the ‘bad guy.’ We all sat down and looked forward to him being smothered in the truth and being completely lost in what I thought was infallible evidence for the creation claim.

Mr. Ham Started the debate off and presented the worldview I was at that time very familiar with. That of the idea that the Bible accurately relates the story of the beginning of the universe. Then Mr. Nye presented his views or rather, the views of mainstream science. I was quite surprised when one of the things he said was, ‘Mr. Ham, I learnt something; thank you!’ This guy was admitting to the world that he didn’t know everything, which wasn’t what I expected him to do. The portrayal of atheists I had been taught is not one of humility.

The second thing that surprised me, and this is probably the seed that eventually grew into my atheistic tendencies later was the manner with which these two men replied to a question at the end. The question was, ‘What, if anything, would ever change your mind?’

‘Hm,’ Mr. Ham took a deep breath and thought for a moment, ‘well, the answer to that question is: I’m a Christian. And, as a christian, I can’t prove it to you, but, God has definitely shown me very clearly through His word and shown Himself in the person of Jesus Christ. The Bible is the word of God. I admit that that’s where I start from.’ Then he continued for a bit reinforcing that statement and then said that no one is going to convince him that the word of God is not true. ‘The bottom line is that as a Christian, I have a foundation. But as a Christian, I would ask Bill the question, “What would change your mind?”’

Bill Nye didn’t even stop to think about his response. ‘We would just need one piece of evidence.’ Mr. Nye had just pointed out that I was completely closed-minded and was interpreting the world around me from the point of view of a creationist.

At that moment I made a decision that I would stop closing my mind to things that disagreed with my beliefs, and would examine every idea that came my way.

But I didn’t. It still took me a couple of years to eventually admit to myself that I no longer believed in the creation narrative. It wasn’t until 2016 that I started calling myself an Agnostic Atheist. Even though I thought I was completely open-minded I was still stubbornly holding onto my beliefs. I suppose when you’ve had a worldview for nearly two decades it becomes hard to change your mind.

But it happened eventually; I changed my mind. It took about two years. And since then I’ve found that that’s about how long it takes to change my mind on anything fundamental like that: about two years. It takes a long time for me to change my mind.

That’s an important thing to remember when you are in an argument with someone, or trying to give someone advice. Usually when someone is arguing with me, no matter what I can say, they will never change their mind on whatever it is they are arguing. However, sometimes it will stew in their minds and if they are an open-minded person, it’s quite possible they may change their mind. Similarly, when people come to me for advice, they usually have already made up their mind what they are going to do. (This doesn’t happen very often by the way, I don’t want people to get the wrong impression that I am some kind of wise person who can solve people’s problems.) When people come to me for advice, they—subconsciously, sometimes—already know what they are going to do, and are looking for someone to give them advice that is in line with what they wanted to do already. If what I advise them to do is in parallel with what they, consciously or subconsciously, have already decided upon, they will thank me and follow my advice. (Again, I try not to advise people, because I don’t think of myself as the sort of person qualified for that sort of thing, but sometimes it can’t be avoided.) If however, I advise them on what to do, and it doesn’t line up with their inclinations, they will seek advice from people who tell them what they are wanting to hear.

I know this, because that’s what I do. Most of the time I don’t even realise it myself. I am trying to change that fact that is within me, but it takes time. Just be patient, because changing your mind takes time.

I Don’t Understand Your Love.

Love has always been a bit of a mystery to me. The way I was brought up, it seemed that love was a sacred thing that belonged to God, and nobody could know love but through him. I was taught that one day, someone would be there, and I would love them and want to live with them until I died. I couldn’t imagine what that was like. I already knew a lot of people who I liked very much, and would quite happily spend the rest of my life with but no, this was going to be different than that. But it never happened like that. Nobody ever stood out from the crowd as being so special that I liked them more than anybody else.

I concluded that it must be something beyond my will and in the hands of God. One day he would just pick someone and let me know about it, and I wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. This was a huge relief, because I knew I could just get on with my life instead of wasting time finding a soulmate; I could mind my own business happily. I still didn’t really understand why one needed a soulmate though, unless one wanted to reproduce. I don’t really think reproduction is particularly useful for somebody like me though, my genetics aren’t particularly good, and besides, there are plenty of other people breeding that I need not contribute to it.

Anyway, years passed and God never picked someone for me—apart from one or two times when I thought he had, but it turned out it was just my subconscious projecting; it was just that I was thinking, ‘Well, why not this person then? She seems as good as any.’ Eventually my belief in God evaporated, but my attitude of minding my own business, so to speak, stayed. And the years rolled by, and I continued to mind my own business, pursuing my interests. I have many interests—too many, in fact—so I never really thought I was missing out on anything. All of my friends were constantly in and out of relationships and it seemed like a huge waste of time to me. Why ruin a perfectly good friendship by turning it into a relationship? Half the time, the relationship ended, and they could not bare the sight of each other anymore. Worse than that, sometimes people—often good friends—would become attracted to me, and then when they found that I did not reflect that physical attraction back to them, they became embarrassed or ashamed, or sometimes even angry, and I would thus lose what was once a good friendship.

My body is a breeding-ground of ideas, and they come to me occasionally. (Well, I like to think so anyway, the reality is probably that I just spend a whole lot of time daydreaming instead of actually doing things.) I nurture those ideas as though they are living things, and if they are strong enough, they will grow too big for me, and I will have to let them go. When an idea is matured enough to leave my mind, I look for suitable people to share it with—people who will treat it with the love that I treated it. I get a certain amount of satisfaction in relating my thoughts to people. The amazing thing is, that afterwards, the idea will either become a part of the person I shared it with, or simply fade away. Maybe they fade away because they are bad ideas, or maybe they were good ideas, but I communicated them badly. Therefore I must plant these seeds in as many minds as I can, if I want my ideas to live. That way I will gain more experience relating my ideas. When I am not either letting my mind wander in order to catch an idea from whatever it is in which my mind resides, or tending to my ideas, or relating them, I am gathering the ideas of other minds into my own, that is knowledge—or at least I think it is. How could I possibly have time to care for someone when I am too selfish to get out of my own head? I’m perfectly happy here; it’s warm and beautiful, and the windows are quite nice, and it’s even got some legs to move me around if I get tired of the thing that is in front of me. Maybe I will be selfish forever, maybe that is my destiny. Or maybe my mind, that is constantly metamorphizing in a slow but constant state of change, will change so much that one day I will be ready to attach myself to another person forever.

I get to where I’m going by walking away from where I’ve been. I think it was Winnie the Pooh who said that. That quote resonates with me, because I think of myself as a sort of wave, making its way through time, picking up things and carrying them, and discarding others. I cannot really predict what the things are that I pick up and cast off are, because it all seems more or less out of my control.

But I do have love in me, but it’s not like the love people around me seem to experience, at least from what I can gather. I know that the chances of me being alive are approximately zero, and yet here I am, that is amazing, and I love that I am here. The world around me is so beautiful and I love it. I love the fact that there are other people around me. It’s amazing that I can have a thought and place it onto a page in the form of writing and that someone else can look at the writing and sometimes get a glimpse of what it feels like to be me. I don’t need a relationship in order to feel love, and frankly, I think the thing that most people call love is not love at all, but desire. The only thing I desire is to know the things I’m too dumb to even ask about.

Maybe there’s something wrong with me, but I don’t see it that way. I think the only thing that makes us human is that we can look at ourselves and ask ‘What are we?’ And look at the universe and ask, ‘What’s it doing there? And how did it get there anyway?’ And then we can spend endless years trying to find out, and that, to me, is love.

The Cage of Fear

Centuries passed. They no longer understood what it was to be hunted, and torn apart by wild animals. What their ancestors had given up their lives for, they despised. And as they sought the new, the unusual, and the exiting, they lost the gift of knowledge. Then some, though small in number, saw the Cage. It was gilded; created by those who would be imprisoned therein. The Cage was fear. Fear of losing the comforts that they had made for themselves. Fear of being free from the web that entangled them. For they took comfort in what bound them; and the outside became something considered wild and dangerous. But the few saw the truth. The outside was freedom. the outside was suffering, to be sure, but it was freedom from the Cage. Of the few that saw it, even fewer were bold enough to escape the Cage.

We the people, have enslaved ourselves to our creations. They form a cage around us. A cage that has surrounded us since birth. We find comfort in the cage, because it seemingly cares for us. When we need to speak to someone in the antipodes, we merely use a device and, like a genie of the lamp, our wish is its command. We created currency, with which we can buy and sell whatever our hearts desire. But the currency has become merely an idea of riches — a promise of happiness, pleasure and contentment. But in reality, our riches are being stolen, and gradually fed to a sickeningly rich few in a reverse-Robin-Hood heist. Scientists pride themselves in supposed proof of things that we have always known, and the world looks on in awe, saying, ‘Look how high we have climbed!’ And as they marvel and wonder at what they have created, they don’t see the Cage of Fear that they have built around them; which, like the poisonous venom of the New Guinea dragons, is slowly taxing their lives into a shell of hopelessness. And as this happens the few look on in awe, saying, ‘Look how far we have fallen!’

Is this it? Will we continue to be enslaved by our genies of currency and wondrous technology? Or will we finally see the Cage? I hope we will have the courage to reject the Sheriff of Nottingham, and his master Prince John, in his lustful wallow of self-love. Real joy, real satisfaction, and real riches come to those who don’t follow the hopeless chase of fictional geese, that turn to ash when captured. Oh, humanity! Look how far you have fallen! Look at yourselves, strutting around like kings, but dressed in the blood of innocent men! Is this what you do with power? The time will come when you will fall, down, down, down. Your walls of security will be seen as what they are — lies. The Cage will fall, and you will not be prepared for true freedom, so you will perish in its harsh justice. But in all this there is hope. The few will know the ways of the outside, and with their help you will rise from the ashes like the phoenix that the human race is. And when you have recovered from your fall, you will once again enjoy true freedom. And thus will your plot to enslave yourselves again will be reborn …

I hope this rant makes sense. It’s a bit abstract, because I’m a bit sketchy about what I believe on this subject, but if nothing else, I hope it got you thinking about what you stand for.